I Don't Want A Divorce

I have people come to see me at their appointed time with papers in their hands. They are crying and upset. “I still love her. I don’t want a divorce. I want you to stop it. Stop the divorce!” Part of my job is to give people bad news. If your spouse wants a divorce you cannot stop it. You can slow down the divorce. You can make it hurt more. You can make it cost more. But the nature of no-fault divorce in Alabama is that a spouse who's absolutely determined to divorce can make it happen even over his or her spouse's objections.

Divorce causes pain. The couple is in pain and their children are in pain. There is a raw, searing emotional content of nearly every issue during a divorce. In all but the rarest of divorces, this emotional intensity of changing feelings of love, regret, guilt, tenderness, euphoria, anger, betrayal, relief, depression, bitterness, abandonment, hatred, freedom, and fear pops up at nearly every turn. This makes it difficult to focus on the legal issues that must be decided. This hurt stops the kind of rational examination needed to move the divorcing spouses toward a mutually acceptable resolution. During divorce, you will likely feel things, think things, say things, and do things that you would never feel, think, say, or do during any other time of your life.

During the time you are divorcing you must also adapt to the many other changes in your life that often flow from divorce. At the same time that you're dealing with all the mess of the divorce process, you must think about how you will get on with a new life for yourself and your children after the divorce. If you have children, you've probably already started thinking about child support, whether you're going to be paying it or receiving it. You will also need a parenting plan which will include visitation, residency, holidays, sports school activities and many other things.

There are many changes to be made even if there are no children. You will have to establish credit in your own name. You may change your name. If so, you will have to change your name on all of your identification. You may have to make arrangements to transfer property or buy insurance in your name. You will need a new will. You will usually have to split your friends, or they may choose which side they are on.

One of the first things I recommend you do, if you haven't already done so, is to think through your budget. If you're like most people emerging from your divorce, you'll realize that what you're planning to spend is more than what you're planning to have coming in. It's painful, but you'll probably have to make some changes in the way you live, at least for the next year or two. The sooner you realize what changes are in store, the less painful those changes will be.