I’ve been somewhat melancholy for the past week. I needed a few jokes to lighten my mood and thought you might need a small laugh too. However, in our politically correct society, it’s hard to tell a joke without offending some group of people. There is one group that can be made the bunt of a joke and no one will get upset. You got it lawyer jokes are always politically correct. So here goes…An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor "Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the undertaker."
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
An attorney defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his attorneys assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
An attorney was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets, a car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
A doctor and an attorney in separate vehicles collided on I-65 one foggy night. The fault was questionable, but both were shaken up, and the attorney offered the doctor a drink from a pocket flask. The doctor took the flask with a shaking hand and belted back a couple of swallows.
As the attorney started to put the cap back on the flask the doctor asked, "Aren't you going to have one too, for your nerves?"
"Of course I am," replied the attorney, "after the Alabama Trooper gets here."
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future attorney? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school? An offer you can't understand.
Rebecca Green Thomason
www.Greenthomason.com
256.332.0800
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